A relationship that works beyond expectation is very achievable. For some of you it will require multiple reads to understand this statement:

“My relationship with you has absolutely nothing to do with you, and your relationship with me, has absolutely nothing to do with me.” 

“What the hell I am talking about?”, you might think. Well, this statement is the most powerful realisation you can have when you get the true power that it possesses. It will set you free from so much emotional baggage and the things we think to ourselves about our partners when we are alone. 

All the thoughts we have when they are out with their friends, away on business trips, at work functions and on and on. These thoughts create so much doubt in our minds that we start to question our relationships with our partners.  

In my endeavours to discover the true nature of human beings and how we behave, we must always start at the beginning. Our first relationships we had in our lives, was with our parents. Therefore, all our future relationships we will have, will be based on the foundations of those relationships. Most of our perceptions and behavioural patterns are formed in the first seven years of our lives. For most of us, that is with our parents. 

What does this mean? If we do not have a complete relationship with our parents, then we cannot have a fulfilling, nurturing and satisfying relationship with anyone in our lives going forward. This means we have to make things right with our parents before we can move forward with obtaining a working relationship. This can be very daunting for most people. We were taught not to speak back to our parents, to respect, to have an understanding of the other person, not to say ugly things to someone else, to rather keep quiet than to speak the truth and so on. All these so called foundations were instilled into our subconscious minds and even today this is the foundation we place on having relationships with other people. 

“I would much rather be fake than to be real, just so that I will be seen as a good friend. Just so that I will have friends and not be alone……” These are the thoughts we have in our alone time and these are the exact ones we need to avoid. Nothing is further from the truth. True friendships are built on trust and absolute honesty. No matter how hard it is to tell or hear the truth. It is the strongest most secure part of the beginning of any relationship.  

Being lovers has nothing to do with one’s masculinity or femininity. It’s much more fundamental than that. What I am talking about is not the lover as man or woman, it’s the lover that is the basis of man and woman.

What we are looking for, is for something to achieve in the relationship. A place where we can come from to perform. We are looking for some form of ecstasy and this does not relate to the way we look at things in our relationship, but a space where everything is in ecstasy. So we now work so much harder on our relationships and we try to compensate for the shortcomings of these negative things we experience, like, pettiness, misunderstandings, jealousy, control, doubts, control and so on. 

What happens now is that in this space of ecstasy that we work to achieve, this illusional “ecstasy” space, now amplifies all the things here and the power of the negative is always stronger than the positive. Hence we experience failure. “Nothing I do is good enough.” We doubt ourselves and we always try to be right. “I am the one doing all the work in this relationship, not you”. We, in light of our ego, will always make ourselves out to be right. 

In our endeavours to find that working relationship, we have to start by clearing all the things we have been carrying about our parents with them directly. Perhaps you were beaten as a kid so much that it affected you up until now. You are scared of that parent that inflicted harm and you still carry that in your life today. You will be scared of your partner and you might even end up lying to them to protect yourself from the possibility of a beating (physical or verbal). 

Of course, this is all in your mind, but you will make this real in your life because it is your experience and you have linked that experience with all other future experiences that you will have. 

You need to go and see you parent(s) to say to them that you forgive them. You release them from what you judged them for. If you want to, tell them that you love them and that you appreciate everything they did for you. This is the only way for you to forgive yourself for all the judgements you are holding about yourself and your relationships. (Also read https://discovertrainings.com/judgements-and-holding-onto-them/ ). You must tell them that for all this time YOU were carrying energy about specific events that you allowed to affect your life – They did not affect your life, YOU did. 

You are the one that made decisions about those events and not the event itself. You created that and you are responsible for that experience. The only way forward is to take full responsibility for your experience as it was you that experienced it, not them!

Only once you have “COMPLETED” your relationship with your parents, will you be able to have a working and meaningful relationship with the people in your life. 

You can now start to work on your relationship with yourself, so that you can fill the emptiness that you might have from your childhood events. They were just events, nothing more, nothing less. Events that you judged and gave power to those events to control the rest of your life. You CAN change that!!! Here is something you can recite to help you take back your control:

“I release myself from my past and all my judgements about myself,

I release myself from the events that I allowed to control my life and my relationships,

I release myself from the negative stronghold these thoughts about these events had on me,

I release myself from any future thoughts or judgements I might have about my past, 

I now embrace love, being in the now and experiencing the other person for what and who they are,

I commit to a relationship that accepts me for who I am and I accept the other person for who they are,

I embrace change as well as challenges that will arise, 

I complete myself in this regard.”

“My relationship with you has absolutely nothing to do with you, and your relationship with me, has absolutely nothing to do with me.” 


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