Judgements in all its forms in my view, is a very big problem in society today. Because of judgements, we all become self righteous and we develop narcissistic behaviours. Narcissism is showing an excessive interest or admiration in oneself. You have a self-centered and arrogant behaviour. You lack empathy and consideration for others. We place a huge amount of our social capability and communication or lack thereof on this. We attach self worth and dignity onto this as well.
There is in my view only one form of judgement. However, in society it will appear that there are two types: judgements over others and judgements over oneself. Ultimately, they all come down to just judgements over yourself and has nothing to do with others, although in your mind you would like to think that there is only the judgement of others. You like to play the “blame game”.
So, what does this mean in the context of judgements and holding onto them? When you get that all judgements made by you is a direct reflection of how you perceive yourself in this world, only then will you be able to start the process to release judgements over yourself.
Firstly we have to look at this: “Self–esteem is a person’s opinion or judgment of his or her own worth. It is an emotional evaluation of oneself as to how he or she perceives his or her value to the world and how valuable they feel they are to others. It can also be termed self–worth or self-value”.
So let’s examine the above in more detail:
- You get up in the morning and the first thing you do is you judge how you slept last night. “Arrggg no, do I have to get up. I had a crap night’s rest”
- If you get up to go to the gym, you probably look in the mirror and while dressing you think – “I am fat, I need to lose more weight or, I look fantastic need to work harder to keep it here.”
- When you get to the gym, you start looking at all the people and judge their appearances. This one is fat, or that one looks great. I also want to look like that, you think!
- If you do not gym, maybe you get up and start to judge your day. “I hate the traffic, I hate my boss, I hate my car, I hate my life, I hate my work, I hate myself, I hate how I look, I hate the bank manager, I hate my breakfast, etc.
- By now your mind has already made several judgements over your day and you have not even began to get the blood flowing in your body properly.
As you see above, by the end of the day you have made so many judgements of your day, the people in it, and experiences you have had that you end up judging everything in your life. It becomes an automatic way of life and before you know it, you are lost in this narcissistic way of life. The worst part of it is that your brain does this all subconsciously. We do not even have to think about the judgements because we have conditioned ourselves like this. This is the result of society today and what we are being exposed to.
You now become lost in your own mind and it becomes the norm to be self-righteous and protective over all your points of view. Your relationships are boring and self centred and you wonder why you cannot keep friendships or relationships alive. It is because of your countless JUDGEMENTS!!!!!
My personal and work related journeys have taught me one thing – judging others has absolutely nothing to do with the other person, but everything to do with you.
Extensive research has been conducted on the topic of judgments and quality of life. It was discovered that good or positive feelings about others represent our personal wants and needs or satisfaction, whereas negative thoughts or feelings have been linked to other levels of narcissism, depression and personality disorders.
If we are true to ourselves, deep down inside, no one likes to be judgemental of others and yet, it just seems to happen spontaneously, like we do it on autopilot. However, this is merely a reflection of the ego. A tendency that just disappears once you become truly self-aware.
It needs to be realized that the more you think about your own self-identity, the more you will compare yourself to others. But, how you perceive others is always distorted by your very own self-image, so the whole action becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of egoic disillusionment. What this means is that you have a system that prevents change, but produces new patterns similar to your old ones. For years I have been saying that I am what I perceive other people’s judgements are of me. I realised now in later years and this really helped me discover massive things about me and growing up. The judgements I made over myself as a person and how this has affected my life. I judged myself tremendously.
For example, if you judge yourself entirely by your own outward appearance, then this is the very same measuring stick you will define others by.
I realised I needed to get in touch with me again. Just with who I am and I what I want. I do not want to worry about what others think of me or what I think of me. Do what comes up for me and do it to the best of my ability. I just want to be free from all these inner emotions of worry, stress and self judgements. I just want to be. I just want to give. I just want to live. If we really want to make a difference in this world, we have to be the difference.
When you finally learn to stop criticising yourself, you’ll notice that you simultaneously stop criticising other people too.
What a relief this is!
“Love yourself—not whatever opinions you have of your personal characteristics, intelligence, traits, or behaviour—but love your true self, your very presence of beingness.
Realize that you are not your opinions, nor your thoughts. You are not wealth, nor your possessions. You are not your personality, nor your knowledge. You are the knowing presence that perceives them—which is no different than everyone else! We are all one and the same.
Everything that your mind tempts you into believing about both yourself and others is illusory.
When you have abandoned your attachment to how things appear, starting with yourself, and you learn to truly love yourself unconditionally, then the imagined barrier that stands between you and all others will dissolve at once.”
Reference – Zenthinking