Dealing with disappointments is a very different experience for each person. How we deal with it has a lot to do with how we were brought up, how we make choices, our current state of mind and how well we adapt in life.
When we get disappointed we get hurt. This can also vary, sometimes it is a lot and sometimes it is just a little. We allow ourselves to go into a depression, or some kind of a downward spiral that could last for days or even weeks. Why do we do this? Why does this happen to us and why do we repeat this pattern so often in our lives. Why do some people seem to handle it better than others?
It all stems from our childhood days. We were all brought up differently and we all make different choices in the moment of now. You are your parents and everything you react to in life comes from your past experiences.
How is this relevant to my feelings of disappointment and how I react to them you may ask? Well, to answer this I must explain the workings of your brain in a summary. Your brain is a very complex database that stores multi perception records of moments of now. Every nanosecond a new entry is created and the brain stores it into its database ready for recollection at will.
Your entire being operates from a state of stimulus and response. In other words, every event that occurs in our lives makes us respond to it. The way we respond is based on these past experiences that our brain has stored into its memory.
When an event occurs, our brain goes into the database and finds a record of the almost exact circumstances. You then behave in the same way you did when that event happened in the past. For example, someone calls you stupid. You, in an instant behave in a certain way. You either get upset and defensive or you might just laugh it off. How you behave also depends on your emotional state as well as how you behaved in the past.
All these factors and variables are stored into your brain and are used for you to behave in the way you do when an event occurs.
When we grow up our parents teach us many things. Most of it is behavioural patterns, mindsets and belief systems. We become entrenched in these because of our own belief systems created along the way when growing up. Hence we behave in the same way our parents do. We end up liking many of the things they do, we eat what they eat and in the same way they do.
This opens the door to the understanding of feeling disappointed and how we can deal with these emotions.
If you come into my sessions and you have done the work I have done, the answer is as simple as this – “Just accept what is and move on” – It is what it is and you cannot change it. You created this for yourself and you must accept it.
Most of you might stop reading now because you will think I am bonkers. You are now asking how the hell do I create disappointment for myself? Who in their mind will do that?
Trust me you DO! This is a whole different topic to write about and one for the to do list. We create events in our life for one main reason, so we can learn from them. Some of us chose not to learn as we love creating them over and over. Too stubborn, yes that’s what you do.
Herein lies half the answer of how to deal with disappointment. Start by accepting that you created this event in your life because there is something you are supposed to learn from it. Something to help you get to your next level, your next challenge or growthpoint in life. Let it hurt for a while and let it go.
Just because you are disappointed for whatever reason or you had a setback, does not mean that you are a disappointment unless you chose to label yourself as one. Therefore you must get out of your mind and into the now. When you are in your mind, you are in the past. The event happened and is in the past. You cannot change the event, but you can certainly change how you feel about it.
Learn from the events in your life. Ask yourself what you can do differently to avoid such disappointments next time they occur. When successful people get a bad result, they do not stop or give up. They learn what not to do to get to the result they desire. This is a fundamental mindset to have when you get disappointed. Learn that it is not the way to do what you did.
Most people experience disappointment when they operate outside their comfort zone. To live life to the fullest you must go outside your comfort zones. You will not experience true success if you stay within you comfort zones. With this comes setbacks or disappointments. Just accept it!
Start by looking at the things you are grateful for. There really are countless things you can be grateful for. If you are reading this article you are part of the 58% of the population that has access to the internet. If you have a car, you are part of 18% of the people in the world that can say that. So, go on and count your blessings and stop beating yourself up.
You can verbalise how you feel. This will automatically make you feel better as it is a form of therapy to talk to someone. When people experience trauma, they are asked to talk about the event. By doing this, you are effectively recreating the event in your mind and thereby it will just disappear within itself. The more you repeat this process the more it dissipates.
Go and rest, take a holiday or a break. This really helps you to refocus on you getting into the now and out of your mind. Do something you love and invite someone to share it with you. Most people go into their heads when they are alone and they experience the disappointment all over again by thinking about it.
Lastly, Do not compare yourself to others. You are perfect the way you are. Go exercise or find something to do. Move energy as this makes you feel better about yourself. Do not self criticize. Go help someone else. Do a good deed for someone that is in need of help and tell no one. This is truly the way to help someone. If you tell someone about it, then you are only boosting your EGO.
Life is too short to worry about the setbacks and disappointments. So, get into the now and action the pointers in this article if you want to make a difference and share this with people to help them feel better in moments of disappointment.